i wish it was mean to be

for my eyes and hers only
Current mood:alone... miss u

i'm thinking about you. ryley. the woman who means everything to me...
and the night. one week ago. 8 days ago.
the day i saw you. it was so beautiful. seeing you again. seeing your lovely hair. those bug glasses ;)
you were just laying on the floor, in the bookstore...the kids section, and i wanted to lay on top of you
the elevator. the rush of it all. the intensity and the thrill of your touch. your kiss. your CHAPSTICK lol
you played with me and i wished i could've played with you more
(but then of course i was an idiot and had to go saying i didn't want my friend left out.)

when i saw you first
on that day
and the first time ever
i was wearing the girls short. you know the ones that like panty's lol
yea those ones. the blue track. the only one i ever fell at
i was really having a shitty day. speaking of which i had to take a shit.
i walked by you didn't even think i was going to see you anymore than that
but i think you said something along the lines of you're cute or something...
you were saying it to everyone of course. but i thought you were very much the same
so i kinda stood there. grabbed a handfull of ice and started tossing it over the grass :)
i didn't even know what to say to you. it's kinda strange i think to just tell a total stranger
they are so completely beautiful. but you were the first one to say something.
then...
you gave me a cookie :)
i wanted your number. and then i had to be polite so i asked your numbers
i put them both in there. "ry ry"
i guessi gave you my number...
and we talked and i dunno why but i just really wanted to talk to you
like all the time...and then that wasn't enough. i had to see you

i came and visited you
and we instantly connected. literally.
our first kiss was in your kitchen
i remember...your little mini kisses. I LUV THEM
then we explored your basement hehe. with only an hour right?
we really made the best of that time. then i went to that high school
just to be with you...and the damn thing cost a bunch for me to need to leave early haha
then you're parents said you couldn't be with me...
i guess we've said stuff em but...

i just can't believe i can't see you right now
i just want to hold you and be
right there with you
to feel your warmth. your touch.
your comforting touch
i feel safe with you.
everything feels less painful. less tense
but at the same time i am terrified
that i cannot be everything
for you. that i'm not perfect
i love you with all my heart.
no distance is too far away for me to love you
ryley. the girl of my dreams. i luv love lurv love love you!